第85章
"Ah, Miss Gray," he said eagerly, "you will not think it impertinent or intrusive on my part, but do you know I have wondered sometimes whether there was a happy man."Nurse Rosemary laughed."Well, we can't call him a happy man just now," she said, "so far as his thoughts of me are concerned.My whole heart is his, if he could only be brought to believe it.But a misunderstanding has grown up between us,--my fault entirely,--and he will not allow me to put it right.""What a fool!" cried Garth."Are you and he engaged?"Nurse Rosemary hesitated."Well--not exactly engaged," she said, "though it practically amounts to that.Neither of us would give a thought to any one else."Garth knew there was a class of people whose preliminary step to marriage was called "keeping company," a stage above the housemaid's "walking out," both expressions being exactly descriptive of the circumstances of the case; for, whereas pretty Phyllis and her swain go walking out of an evening in byways and between hedges, or along pavements and into the parks,--these keep each other company in the parlours and arbours of their respective friends and relations.Yet, somehow, Garth had never thought of Nurse Rosemary as belonging to any other class than his own.Perhaps this ass of a fellow, whom he already cordially disliked, came of a lower stratum; or perhaps the rules of her nursing guild forbade a definite engagement, but allowed "an understanding." Anyway the fact remained that the kind-hearted, clever, delightful little lady, who had done so much for him, had "a young man" of her own; and this admitted fact lifted a weight from Garth's mind.He had been so afraid lately of not being quite honest with her and with himself.She had become so necessary to him, nay, so essential, and by her skill and devotion had won so deep a place in his gratitude.Their relation was of so intimate a nature, their companionship so close and continuous; and into this rather ideal state of things had heavily trodden Dr.Rob the other day with a suggestion.Garth, alone with him, bad been explaining how indispensable Miss Gray had become to his happiness and comfort, and how much he dreaded a recall from her matron.
"I fear they do not let them go on indefinitely at one case; but perhaps Sir Deryck can arrange that this should be an exception,"said Garth.
"Oh, hang the matron, and blow Sir Deryck," said Dr.Rob breezily.
"If you want her as a permanency, make sure of her.Marry her, my boy! I'll warrant she'd have you!"Thus trod Dr.Rob, with heavily nailed boots, upon the bare toes of a delicate situation.
Garth tried to put the suggestion out of his mind and failed.He began to notice thoughts and plans of Nurse Rosemary's for his benefit, which so far exceeded her professional duties that it seemed as if there must be behind them the promptings of a more tender interest.He put the thought away again and again, calling Dr.Rob an old fool, and himself a conceited ass.But again and again there came about him, with Nurse Rosemary's presence, the subtile surrounding atmosphere of a watchful love.
Then, one night, he faced and fought a great temptation.
After all why should he not do as Dr.Rob suggested? Why not marry this charming, capable, devoted nurse, and have her constantly about him in his blindness? SHE did not consider him "a mere boy."...
What had he to offer her? A beautiful home, every luxury, abundant wealth, a companionship she seemed to find congenial...But then the Tempter overreached himself, for he whispered: "And the voice would be always Jane's.You have never seen the nurse's face; you never will see it.You can go on putting to the voice the face and form you adore.You can marry the little nurse, and go on loving Jane."...Then Garth cried out in horror: "Avaunt, Satan!" and the battle was won.
But it troubled his mind lest by any chance her peace of heart should be disturbed through him.So it was with relief, and yet with an unreasonable smouldering jealousy, that he heard of the young man to whom she was devoted.And now it appeared she was unhappy through her young man, just as he was unhappy through--no, because of--Jane.
A sudden impulse came over him to do away forever with the thought which in his own mind had lately come between them, and to establish their intimacy on an even closer and firmer basis, by being absolutely frank with her on the matter.
"Miss Gray," he said, leaning towards her with that delightful smile of boyish candour which many women had found irresistible, "it is good of you to have told me about yourself; and, although I confess to feeling unreasonably jealous of the fortunate fellow who possesses your whole heart, I am glad he exists, because we all miss something unless we have in our lives the wonderful experience of the One Woman or the One Man.And I want to tell you something, dear sweet friend of mine, which closely touches you and me; only, before I do so, put your hand in mine, that I may realise you in a closer intimacy than heretofore.You, who have been in Sightless Land, know how much a hand clasp means down here."Garth stretched his hand across the table, and his whole attitude was tense with expectation.